Spotters Guide to Wimbledon

 

It’s that time of year again when the sun is conspicuous in it’s absence and we give up on the idea of a British Wimbledon champion. After 50 weeks of tennis-less coverage it’s important to fill your boots while you can, but staying interested during the early rounds can be an arduous task. With Tim Henman finally putting himself out of his own misery and Andy Murray probably already injured, entertainment is usually thin on the e ground as the BBC again decides to put on the British women’s number three match on court 15 in the vague hope that someone British will progress past round 3.

 

Rather than switch off and hate yourself for the rest of the year, use our spotters guide to brighten up those dark, scary initial rounds. Simply award yourself points for each spot:

 

 

• A rain delay leads to another replay of a wonderful McEnroe/Connors match. Bonus points if an awkward moment in studio follows from the two.

• Sue Barker and Mark Petchey wistfully wondering when we’ll actually see some young English talent, then lapping up the same recycled spiel from whatever LTA official graces the studios with his presence.  

• Every time there is an insufferable reference to “Murray Mount”or whatever that hill goes by these days.  

• Sue Barker admires how Novad Djokovic is “such a character”. Bonus points if this is followed by either video evidence of him being “a character” or a discussion on how “characters”are good for the game.  

• More bonus points if Tim Henman is in the studio while this occurs. The irony will be delicious.

• Any awkward comment made by Andrew Castle as two young Russian beauties exchange grunts for 4 minutes solid.

• A tribute package to Tim Henman lacking any real highlights

• Andy Roddick pulling his “I can’t believe how good this guy is”face as Nadal/Federer pulls off an improbable shot en route to a straight sets victory. They are beatable you know Andy, just not as easily as you are.  

• Andrew Castle/Tim Henman/Mark Petchey/Greg Rusedski (delete as applicable) is caught agreeing with John McEnroe on what it takes to win Wimbledon. Or win anything for that matter. 

• Finally, 10 points for a disorientated David Hasselhoff wandering between courts looking for the nearest bar.